What expenses can you deduct if you are self-employed?

Right then, let's talk about expenses, shall we?

If you're self-employed, you're basically running your own little empire, and like any good empire, you need to keep track of where the pennies are going. Otherwise, you'll end up paying a king's ransom in tax for no good reason.

Expenses for Dummies (or, How Not to Pay Through the Nose to HMRC)

So, you're self-employed, eh? Jolly good! You're your own boss, which means you get to make all the decisions – including the ones that make you want to bang your head against a brick wall. But fear not, because we're here to talk about expenses. Those lovely little deductions that can save you a packet.

The Golden Rule: "Wholly and Exclusively"

Think of this as the "tea and biscuits" rule. If it's for your business, and only for your business, you can claim it. If you're using your company credit card to buy a round of drinks at the pub, and you happen to mention a client you saw earlier that day, that doesn't count. Sorry.

Keeping it Separate: Like Tea and Coffee

Imagine your business finances are a nice cup of tea, and your personal finances are a lovely strong coffee. You wouldn't mix them, would you? Well, you shouldn't mix your bank accounts either. Get a separate account for your business, and you'll avoid a right royal mess.

The Tricky Bits: When it's a Bit of Both

Sometimes, things get a bit muddled. Like when you use your car for both work and personal trips. You can claim the business part, but you'll need to keep a record of your mileage. HMRC even gives you simplified rates, so you don't have to get your abacus out.

• Mileage: Think of it as a treasure map. Keep track of those business miles, and you'll be quids in.

• Home Office: If your spare room is your command centre, you can claim a bit for heating, lighting, and so on. But don't try claiming for the telly – unless you're a professional telly watcher, of course.

Things You Can Claim (The Good Bits!)

• Office Bits and Bobs: Pens, paper, that fancy stapler you always wanted.

• Travel: Petrol, train tickets, those extortionate parking charges.  

• Uniforms: If you wear a uniform with your logo, that's fine. But your everyday clothes? Sorry, love, that's a no-go.

• Stock: Anything you buy to sell on.

• Premises: Rent, rates, the lot.  

• Insurance: Because you never know when you'll need it.

• Advertising: Get your name out there!

The £1,000 Trading Allowance: The Lazy Person's Delight

If your expenses are less than a grand, just claim the £1,000 allowance. Easy peasy. And if your income is less than that, well, you're laughing!

Simplified Expenses: For When You Can't Be Bothered

HMRC knows we're all busy, so they've got simplified expenses for things like cars and home offices. It's like having a cheat sheet for grown-ups.

Keep Your Receipts: Like a Squirrel with Nuts

Don't be that person who loses all their receipts. Keep them safe, like a squirrel with its nuts. You'll thank yourself when tax time rolls around.

A Word of Warning: Don't Be Cheeky

HMRC isn't daft. They know when you're trying to pull a fast one. So, be honest, and you'll be fine.

In a Nutshell:

• Keep it separate.

• Keep your receipts.

• Claim what you can, but don't be greedy.

• When in doubt, check the HMRC website, or get professional advice, they have seen it all before.

Now, go forth and conquer your expenses! And remember, a penny saved is a penny you don't have to give to the taxman.